the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
