and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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