I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
