There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
