as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
