you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
