He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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