Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
