you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
