the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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