oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
