yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
