This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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