Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
