Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
