I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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