A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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