He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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