The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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