Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish i was in the wii world.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
