He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
