You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's blow job season.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
