I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
