What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
