he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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