I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
