a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
