I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
