Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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