Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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