Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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