if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
