dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm bleeding and have questions
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
