White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
