Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
