I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
