Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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