ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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