I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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