So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
