Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He did a backflip because drugs
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize