I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also, beer. Big fan.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
