I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
