Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
