Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize