are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
