I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
