Just cropdusted the office
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
God, I missed his penis.
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