I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
