apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
