We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
