If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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