I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
