PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
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he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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