Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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