Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
