Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
