the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
