Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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