Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
