Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
