jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
