I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
