Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
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I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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