just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
