I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
