in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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