How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
