HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
