its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
