FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
