News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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