For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so much tequila, so little girl.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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