watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
