i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
