I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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