I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
