So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
