I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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