Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
being pregnant is like rehab
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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