Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
